SLOW DOWN THERE PARDNER

I tend to joke a lot.. I tend to joke a lot and say things that people take as serious... I tend to joke a lot and not think of hurting other peoples feelings.. I've said any number of times that I'm just a half a hiccup away from being a certified IDIOT... My favorite comedy is from the Monty Python/ early David Letterman era.. Back when they really didn't care and were just trying to have fun.. That is me still now, and it seems to be costing me dearly.. Now I am thinking more and more.. Now I am older. and thinking that I better not say anything that I am thinking.. Maybe writing them here but maybe rather writing them in my private myspace so they are accessed exclusively by me.. I already wrote things and transferred from that site.. There are things I've written that I maybe shouldn't have.. Oh well screw em if they can't take a joke.. And screw them if they can't read my take and live with it.. Christmas is over.. The family is now torn apart.. I didn't know it happened.. I didn't know it happened twenty years ago, THAT'S HOW DAFT I AM... I guess I thought everything was fine.. WOW was I wrong.. Man, I knew something was up and have felt it for a while now but holy shit!!

One of the reasons for abandoning the "Family" blog site was it was mine pretty much exclusively.. Everyone else use the lame assed excuse that they had trouble accessing it.. I sent them the log on information and encouraged them to write just anything, doesn't have to be deep.. Just use it for whatever even just to put a picture or whatever on.. At first it was being used that way.. Then stopped and I was the only one writing.. I get everyone is busy to do this.. I get it, and hey I know nobody was reading it.. I read it and commented on some but.. Anyway if it is important then it is and use it.. I write because it is a sort of therapy.. A cheap way to express myself without hurting anyone.. Myspace must put a nine in the readers space to encourage more entries and that does work except I write here rather than myspace..

After this morning I am understanding a lot of why I felt the way I have over the past year or better.. I know how things have felt.. I don't know why I feel this way.. When mom went into the ER before Thanksgiving we went to lunch and things felt off there.. I can't explain why or how it was.. At the time it felt normal for the time.. Thinking back I think my older brother has been trying to distance himself from me and I had been trying to help by staying away from him.. I try to do everything myself and even things I should have help with I still try to do myself.. Anything from now on I feel will have to be done without his help.. Maybe I lean on him too much, rely on his inablilty to say no.. Maybe that better stop this year.. Stop being family.. Start being strangers.. Hate that but maybe it has to happen... After this morning, I guess that is what he wants.. A very sad state that the family has become.. A year of being not family.. a year and maybe even more...

The dreads of January are just that.. Football season winds down with the BCS games being played over the first week of the new year.. Why do they do that?? Play the "championship" game the day after New Years day and be done with it.. The playoffs begin this weekend in the NFL.. We are supposed to feel good that the Bronco's backed into the playoffs but I feel the same with them that I did the chiefs last year, or any team that gets in at .500.. But you never know, they could hit a hot streak like the Giants did a few years back and get to the super bowl and win the damn thing...

BH