END OF THE YEAR SPECTACULAR

Final entry for 2011??? (A RETROSPECTIVE TYPE OF THING) This year started where last year ended, but don't they all?? But what I mean is the in October of 2010 Lucy went to Poland with Ian to get her immigration status squared up, and she was still there as this year began. As we started the new year we still weren't half way through them being gone.. It's hard to imagine them being gone for that long, and right now that seems impossible of such a thing to have to endure with mom in her current condition, more about that later.. When mom asked Donald when he was planning to go over there and see them he stated he wasn't planning to go at all.. However in February he changed his mind and went over the first of April. Her status got cleared up on Valentines day of all days, she would be home in April, there would be no shortening of her stay.. When that earthquake hit in Japan in March I thought just let them get home then the world could end.. They got back home late April and soon after everything returned to normal.. Everything was normal until September 25.......................:

SEPTEMBER 25: That day was a Friday and I took mom to work and went over and watched Ian as usual.. The plan was to go out to Mc.D's and pick up mom, the boo and I, and that is exactly what we did, nothing out of the ordinary there.. However this was a Friday and being Friday mom is usually the most worn out of the entire work schedule.. She started doing four days a week when asked to try it and I think she was torn between telling him she tried and wanted to go back to the three day week but was of the frame of mind that she developed when she was there before of the place just doesn't run right without her.. So she comes out and hops in the car and we go get ice cream because Ian really likes that.. We get ice cream then start to take him home and he needs to go to the store and we head to the store and get a few things.. Then we head to Ian's house and mom decides to go in for a bit.. We stay there for maybe a half an hour and when we leave she nearly falls on the front porch as we are leaving.. I catch her and assure her she won't fall.. Half an hour later at home I wasn't there to catch her this time...

I'd gone into the bathroom and heard this incredible crashing sound and scream coupled with it.. I swear that sound remains audible to this day three plus months later.. I freak out (controlled freak out) as mom was laying in the dining room gasping to breathe.. I help her up eventually and determine that going to the ER isn't what she wanted to do.. I will do only what she wants, I've tried to suggest ideas before but not been in the best light so we don't go to the ER but end up going on that Monday after both brothers say it's a good idea.. I thought it was a good idea Friday but mom acted like she wasn't that bad off.. She has a tendency to do this with me and this wasn't the first time and more than likely won't be the last..

November brought the Thanksgiving holiday and it wasn't much fun for mom, she was in pain with her back.. The PT thought it might be a compression fracture, the chiroprator didn't think so and now after just over three months we are where we were.. Seems like we went through this with her balance issue.. After seeing half a dozen specialists we finally got the definitive of her balance which is she will never get better.. He ribs might heal eventually but I think as I have for the past nearly two months and that is she has nerve damage there.. But I'm just the stooge idiot so nobody listens to me..


CHRISTMAS: The final stop on the year that was.. In lat July or early August Tabitha returned to Nebraska after her year plus long stay in the Nashville Tenn. area.. Hoping her "wanderlust" has been filled.. I envied her for trying to leave this area, it was something I would have loved to try back when I was a drummer... So Christmas, the season of the ... Well not my favorite as I've written elsewhere.. We went to Cheyenne twice and Scottsbluff twice as well then Sterling twice and finally east to the unknown Ogalalla for the off chance a smaller market and stored therein would yield an idea.. That was a big BINGO as I found almost everything there. The one thing I dislike about the holiday is the "never enough" feeling when looking for gifts and the need to fulfill that feeling of am I giving enough?? I thought last year that I should look for things through the year to give as gifts to mom but them didn't remember to.. I ended up getting her a christmas cactus and a red bird light type of thing.. Last year I got her word puzzles and thought of this the day before Christmas.. We were to have an extended family type of get together this year with Jordan being engaged to be married to a guy with three kids.. So there was an attempt to get the whole family in the dining room table but try as we might we couldn't see that happening and having everyone able to be comfortable that way..

I did write what happened Christmas day elsewhere, and a deeper look at it has yielded no new insight.. I do remember helping mom get the food to the dining room table and then getting my plate starting to get food on it.. I then got ready to sit down to eat and my chair was gone.. I thought there were enough in the two rooms but guessed I was wrong when I went to retrieve a chair in the dining room they told me it was needed, so I grabbed the stool to sit on.. Then saw there was chair not being used on the table there and just moved it.. In the meantime I have no clue what happened with my older brother but he ended up outside and his wife going out and coming back in and then mom going out.. I heard some yelling but didn't get the gist, I WAS HUNGRY.. So I ate..

So even now a fortnight later I still have no clue what happened but the next day and then today mom has made the comment that there won't be another family get together anytime soon.. Cryptic is a good way to describe that statement... I'm the family idiot, I admit that.. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.. And this just proved my point.. I don't know what went on that day.. I have no clue... But as I write this, it seems a fitting end to a year that has seen the family torn apart by miles and now seems to be torn apart by my stupidity...

WHAT'S 2012 GONNA HAVE IN STORE??: Well for starters, mom wants to get back to work and that might happen, I just hope she can get to where she had the confidence she had before she fell.. Tabitha has a boyfriend... Jordan is engaged to get hitched in August.. Donald threatening to leave the job he has because of the mounting incompotence there.. Lucy working at the book store not sure if she will go back to do upkeep of the memorial gardens or not.. Ian got a drum set for Christmas.. Thus begins the long road to being a drummer... FUN.. I am moms keeper sort of.. As much as I am allowed.. And Bob and Freda chug along on their new railroad line, called empty nest for sure this time...

BH

YOU CAT

I was thinking how great the cat we have now is.. We have had cats in the past.. Back when I was still in school we got our first ever siamese kitty, mostly because my older brother had a friend that had one and thought that was seriously cool, so he convinced mom & dad to get us one.. Her name was Samantha and she was quite the character.. After that we had Spike & China.. We got those two from someone who needed to get rid of them.. China only lasted for a short while, we think she ran off.. Anyway we didn't see her again.. Spike was justly named, she would chase dogs out of the yard.. It was nice having a cat that was doglike.. Then came a cat that defied naming.. She had no name, and was stuck just being called "little kitty".. and she was a little kitty, she was a runt but grew up nicely into one of the strangest cats we would ever have.. She was afraid of heights.. Strange how this was found out about.. We had a garage and I put all the cats up there to explore and every cat would look around and then come back to me and I would get them off the roof.. That little kitty I put on the roof there and she hunkered down, and looked scared.. Poor little kitten, and any time after that I put her on top of a high place she acted the same way through her entire life.. She would walk with her claws out constantly, getting hooked on carpet and rugs around the house.. We got my older brothers cat as well because his youngest daughter was allergic to him.. After those two cats passed we didn't have a cat for the longest time..

Three years after my dad passed away there were these two kitties that were playing around and came into the yard.. I don't remember what the other looked like but one was black.. A pretty black little kitten that was on the verge of stealing our hearts when they were picked up by someone, never to be seen again.. The next summer again, a little kitten that was a stripped little ball of fluff, was about in the same place originally across the ally and just meowing up a storm.. LOUD assed kitty.. Came over while I was messing with the garden.. I tried to shoe it away but this creature was having none of it.. So within a week mom was feeding this poor thing.. Ball of fluff, mom let her in the house and soon we assumed her as ours.. We hadn't had a stray cat since I was in grade school, and now we had this thing.. What to call her.. I started calling her "Fuzzass" because she was quite a fuzzy assed little kit.. Somewhere along the line she got the name Scooter.. I changed the name to Skootr because she was just a little different.. I call her a great number of names from Skittleyboo to bug.. Skitteley Boo was the first name after Fuzzass, because it was different.. I wanted to call the little kitty Snickers for the same reason as skitteleyboo for this kitten.. She has more personality than any cat we have ever had. A lot of fun, built into a furry creature.. Aggrivation as well... But she has been golden.. Perfect for us.. Perfect situation ...

BH

LONG ROAD OF LIFE..

Taking the easy road... That is what I think a lot of people think I have done.. When I lost my job at the golden arches I was a little lost, I had been there for about ten years or so.. I thought I'd get a job sure as can be but then I started to realize that I struggled like hell to find that job and was reluctant to try anywhere else.. Then by June of that year my dad started to have health issues in his diabetic situation.. He had pnemonia a few years before and the Christmas before was back in the hospital with it.. This time his kidneys would struggle to maintain cleansing of his blood and he would have to do dialysis for the remainder of his life (look for an entry elsewhere on this blog).. I was glad to be here to help him and mom.. After his death I could have gone back to work for a few years but in the past two, approaching three I have had to stay and take care of mom.. I have a problem with people who complain about taking care of their parents, without them they wouldn't have had to worry about such a task, they wouldn't exist.. I don't think I've wasted my life or thrown my life away, there really was no life to throw away truth be told...

My older brother once asked some time back if I had given up on a girlfriend or whatever and at the time I felt somewhat insulted because I had a few girls I was looking at.. However those were just pipe dreams.. A few years ago I had a chance to rectify that relationship situation.. I had started talking to a girl on line from an on-line dating service.. But the more I talked to her the less I felt we had in common. I could have tried to meet her and maybe something might have come of it but.. I felt the better judgement was to not try.. And now as I get older I don't think it would be fair to anyone to try.. Mom wishes I would meet someone and I tell her I wouldn't know what to do.. I think if I ever met someone that she would die suddenly and I'd feel even worse because I'd be alone again.. NICE PRACTICAL JOKE!!..

OPEN FOOT INSERT MOUTH: So today's festivities started off well enough but then something I did (more than likely) pissed my older brother off.. I wasn't ready for anything like that, or it was my little brother pissed him off, either way I don't know what happened.. Seems like every year we have something happen to set someone off.. This year was special though, Everyone was home for the holidays... It was a return to closer to normal..

Before everyone came down I went to the cemetery to put some seasonal flowers on dads grave marker and to put a long overdue flag.. I had been meaning to put a flag out there all summer and finally got it there. I felt good to be there, to be with dad, although I never feel that far from him.. We talked about him the other day on our way back from shopping, how he and I would make a trek to Cheyenne just about every year after he got out of school for winter break and he wanted to get one last thing before Christmas.. I loved those trips, although we didn't speak much to each other, I just liked being around him... It's the little things like these that I miss the most about him being gone...

BH

DECEMBER BLUES (way ahead of time)..

Every year in January I get the blues.. The blahs.. The feeling that there is little to look forward to.. This year is the same as last year is the same as... You know.. But this year I feel that now.. Feel like this right now is just not very good times.. Mom feels less very good and that mostly is mental, but physically she feels like she is going downhill.. I know she feels this way because she tells me this much.. I encourage her, try to make her at least feel better.. For me, I feel that feeling I had a few years ago and it scares me.. The new year brings questions about what is to come.. I try to treat January and the new year like it's just the next month in succession.. Like i did at work every year.. The first few weeks of the new year were actually the thirteenth month.. So instead of starting at one, it is a continuation.. For a while.. To fool myself... For a while.. Everything is going to be alright... SURE...

BH

MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR

This is quickly becoming my favorite time of the year which most people would think "well no kidding then?".. And my response would be yea when I was younger and who wouldn't say that this is their favorite time of year (Christmas) with what it means.. But it has changed over the years and recently it has been more because of the sunlight and to that point the lack of sunlight.. It gets darker earlier every day and from about the first week of December to the third week of January the light is so different.. As it gets darker earlier it is different and also as it starts to stay light longer but they are different from going into the darker than to the opposite.. What I am trying to say is the approach to the winter solstice is better than the reproach, or return.. To me there is a difference, maybe it is just me.. But also the colder temps change the picture as well.. We go to the eagles viewing center on the other side of the lake every winter, in January.. And every year it seems like the light would be so much better on the approach to the 22nd rather than the return.. I am getting into the picture taking mood again and use of the old Kodak camera.. Most lately I take pics with the Panasonic video cam set to still photos.. It's hard to get used to the old Kodak because the Panasonic can take pictures quicker
and without as much time for the camera to set the pictures in storage on the SD card.. The pictures on the Panasonic are incredibly small compared to the Kodak but on the computer they are fine.. To print them, different story, they might not print at all..

Decorated the outside areas this past Wednesday.. Thinking it might not happen this year because it was so cold on Monday and the usual day of the Saturday after Thanksgiving was passed on.. Too nice I guess.. But the lights were the easy thing to set up.. The timer has been tough to get set.. All of the timers so far have been less than cooporative to work.. Today the timer I use on my air system is being used and if it doesn't work.. Next please..

BH