WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN

As the elections draw near, word has it that Ann and Mitt Romney are worried about (did we say worried? We meant looking forward to) more than just Mitt becoming supreme leader of the business world. They are also very concerned about the condition of the various living quarters they will be required to inhabit on a temporary basis once Mitt takes office, i.e. The White House, Camp David and, God forbid--but it’s pretty much a sure bet if he’s elected--the Presidential Emergency Operations Center or Presidential Bunker as it is more commonly known.

They have already commented on the condition of the White House, and plan an extensive overhaul complete with elevator shafts for the Presidential Cadillacs, a money vault in the basement for the millions they’ll be required to bring back from their offshore accounts, and construction of a 12-foot high concrete barrier surrounding the perimeter of the White House separating them from the commoners.

As far as Camp David goes, Mitt has agreed that while he doesn’t particularly like ‘roughing it,’ he’ll go there occasionally if he has to, but only if it is also renovated to “bring it up to Romney Code,” joked Ann.

When it comes to the Presidential Bunker, however, both Romneys said that after touring the facility, they wouldn’t be caught dead in there, literally.

“I was very disappointed in the place,” said Ann. “I actually saw cans of beans on the shelves!” she exclaimed in horror.

“And,” Mitt chimed in, “that awful drab camo was everywhere. Why it was as if the Americans had turned off the public funds tap and all that was left were military rations. Totally unacceptable,” he scoffed.

Once the Romneys returned home to their $12 million mansion in La Jolla, Ann was quick to get on the phone with her interior decorator, Fifi LaFontaine.

She was heard begging “I know, that’s what Mitt and I were saying…wouldn’t be caught dead in there, but c’mon Fifi, you owe me one. It won’t be that bad. A little paint, some new chintz curtains, and a couple of high-end Serta Perfect Sleepers and it will be...oh who am I kidding,” said the exasperated First Lady hopeful.

“The place is a dump, but if you do this for us, we promise to appoint you as Ambassador to France.”

We'll be fighting in the streets
With our children at our feet
And the morals that they worship will be gone
And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgment of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
And I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again

Change it had to come
We knew it all along
We were liberated from the fall that's all
But the world looks just the same
And history ain't changed
'Cause the banners, they all flown in the last war

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
And I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

I'll move myself and my family aside
If we happen to be left half alive
I'll get all my papers and smile at the sky
For I know that the hypnotized never lie

Do ya?

There's nothing in the street
Looks any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And the parting on the left
Is now the parting on the right
And the beards have all grown longer overnight

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

A recent poll asked participants to name who they thought was the most evil person in history. The results, while not entirely surprising, did say a lot about just how unlikeable Dick Cheney has become over the years.

What was surprising to some was the fact that Cheney didn’t top the list at number one, but that could be due to the fact that some of the participants were actually Republicans.

The results showed that Adolph Hitler was regarded as the number one most evil man in history, while Ghengis Khan came in at number 10. The results show two people not making it onto the top ten list but who, nevertheless, gave a bit of a surprise as runners up.

Number 13 was Hanibal Lecter, and number 15 was “that dance instructor who yells at the little girls on that reality show Dance Moms,” leading pollsters to believe that the group they were polling had difficulty separating fact from fantasy.

The complete results are as follows:

1.    Adolph Hitler

2.    Jeffrey Dahmer

3.    Caligula

4.    Queen Mary I, aka Queen Bloody Mary

5.    Ivan the Terrible

6.    Dick Cheney

7.    Vlad the Impaler

8.    Attila the Hun

9.    Idi Amin

10.  Ghengis Khan

It is interesting to note that only one woman, Queen Bloody Mary, made it onto the top ten list, and is the only evil person to have an alcoholic beverage named after them. (Harvey Wallbanger was annoying, but he definitely was not evil).

Also interesting to note is that three of the top ten men on the list are identified not by first and last names but by first names followed by “the” and whatever they were, i.e. terrible (kisser? aim? what?), an impaler, and a Hun. This leads us to wonder if that were the norm for calling evil people by what they were, wouldn’t Cheney be better known as Dick the Dick?