GOING KICKING AND SCREAMING INTO THE NEW YEAR

Every year at the holidays I look so forward to Halloween and a little more to Thanksgiving and then shoot me because I have grown to hate Christmas and especially New Years day.. New year is like a birthday or more to the point like a second birthday forced on everybody.. I've gotten to the point where my birthday i'd like to just be another day, and was almost that way the past few years when nobody remembered , and it reminded me when I was younger and it was forgotten because it was the start of the month instead of the middle or later part of the month, so when the calendar got the previous month finally torn off it was four or five days in and my birthday was an afterthought rather than.. Anyway a new year and new prediction.. I have none, same as the past few.. Worries are what seem to be taking over predictions.. Mom isn't getting any younger, but then last time i checked nobody is.. Can't be helped, I guess when I hope that everything will work itself out, I know that this is as good as it will ever be and when mom passes away... I just dread that day and the days that follow... Those will be the dark final days I think.. Scares the hell out of me.. I was thinking the other day about how when dad had his broken ankle eleven months before he died, that I would ride my mountain bike out in the pasture and think what it would be like when he passed away.. Thinking it would be a great number of years away, not knowing that the day was so close I was oblivious to everything.. It was a dark time after dad passed away, I remember being at the local walmart and just walking around that store aimlessly, trying to think of what I should ask for for Christmas, and I just wanted things to be the way they were before.. But that would never happen and seems like the more things change the more they really change... Happy New Year?!?!??... Hope so..

BH