THE USE OF IT

I wasn't sure if I was the only one frustrated over things today..  We stopped by to pick up Lucy and Ian to go over to the hospital while Freda was having her situation situated, and we pull up and Ian was looking out the front door wearing his pj's and brushing his teeth..  We were going to get them into the car but as it turned out neither of them were ready.. We get into the house and here comes Ian ready to go, almost ready to go he wasn't wearing his shoes yet.. Then we are ready to go but Lucy needs to get ready by way of getting her hair washed and getting herself ready but we could go and take Ian with us..  Some aggravation starts to build.. Then we go to the hospital Freda was in getting her procedure we get into the waiting room.. Have I said Ian isn't a waiter before??  He isn't good at waiting and today he gets a playin' and that isn't the problem.. The problem is Lucy shows up conveniently about ten minutes before the surgeon comes out and gives the news and five minutes after that we leave and she does as well... So the importance of being there as she seemed to be wanting to go with us when we went in but she couldn't get her shit together in time so she could go when she did.. on our way home mom finally says something about that...  I thought I was alone... 

When we left the hospital Ian neeeeeded to ride the elevator and mom told me to go get the car.. Well I figured he would need to ride the elevator a few times so I waited for them in the entry way.. We made our way to the car which I had parked at the end of the old out patient lot there and as we got to the parking lot there I stepped by a car parked in a space and mom stubbed her toe on the parking block and went down..  HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    It was like slow motion and I thought of everything I would do and it came as a complete surprise that she went down and as she was going down the thought of go down and beat her to the ground was dashed and then the thought of holding her arm and keeping her from falling all the way was dashed as I thought I might do more harm than good by either pulling her arm out of the socket or breaking it...  I was totally fucked.. And then the thought of uncle Bob came to my mind.. I told mom I would rather die than have her fall and I thought of that at that moment..  and I would rather die than have my asshole uncle shit on me again... Just the way I feel.. I respect him but to me, the day he shit on me after mom fell nearly three years ago will forever change the way I feel about him.. 


BH